I should be sleep and I would be but I know when God wants to talk. He wants me to let the world know what he’s done, how he’s changed me. I spend a great part of day between amazement, gratitude and deep concentration on how to fulfill his Will. How have I changed?
Well in July I saw something on Facebook that literally turned my tests in testimony, my trials into triumps and my mess into a message. I shouldn’t be so surprised but I wasn’t in his Will. I was still trying to go through my pain, suffering and misery alone. I actually thought I could improve my life on my own
I bet he had a good laugh at that. It was one day in March where I said God I’m tired of existing. My days and nights were focused on me numbing my pain, frustration and lack of self-discipline. It wasn’t fun. I was literally dying slowly and I thought I was enjoying it. I knew I wanted change but I couldn’t stop doing destructive things.
My body was already broken and I no longer had the want to move. I was stuck on stupid literally. The pause/stop button was pressed. All I knew is that I was slowly letting my soul, spirit & mind deteriorate. I stopped abusing alcohol but I was still miserable. Determined to change but the roadblocks weren’t moving.
When I surrendered and let Him lead everything changed. From August to today I have lost over 80 pounds and I can actually function. I never thought it possible for my life to actually improve. That’s when it came, the beginning of a life filled with an actual purpose.
How long had I been searching for my purpose? Well here it is and here I am. Changed & unapologetic for anyone who doesnt understand that there is no turning back. Everyday I get closer to things I didn’t even know could be apart of my story. He did it, I definitely didnt do all of this and it’s a lot in a short time.