Only God Can Judge Me

10 Mar
Only God Can Judge Me

The weather is bad again in Louisiana and I’m still finding my mental and physical balance.  My middle name, Danielle, means Only God Can Judge Me.  I looked up the hurricane name list and saw Danielle.  Crazy that is my life but I used this as an excuse at times for my bad behavior.  One of the most difficult things being chronically ill is that you are judged constantly by others for something you have no control over.  Where they do that at?

So Moms have been on my mind so much I thought I’d share my experience having twins at 21.  I found out I was pregnant in jail, yes I was in jail.  Dumb, dumb, dumb.  I actually stayed in jail for 100 days in 1996, that was the first time.  I lost a lot of weight in jail.  I thought just because I was only eating 3 meals a day.  I got out of jail and a month later I found out I was having twins.  I worked as a cashier for as long as I could.  My pregnancy was decent besides feeling like aliens were in my stomach.  My mom called me a beach whale.

I remember having my baby shower on February 15, 1997.  It’s on VHS, I think I was cursing people out.  I remember sitting on the floor and my family laughing at me telling me I couldn’t get up and I got right up by myself.  I’m kinda used to doing things on my own.  On February 17 I had a doctor’s appointment.  My ankles were swole and they took my blood pressure and it was sky high so they took me to the hospital right away, admitted me.

I had 3 belts on my belly, one for each of the kids heartbeats and I think one to measure the contractions.  Remember I’m still getting my memory back.  I had toxemia which turned into Preeclampsia and I was giving magnesium through an IV.  They told me I was having contractions but I felt nothing. To this day have no idea what labor feels like.  They decided the situation was getting serious and because one baby was breach and one was vertex they would do a C-section.

I got my epidural and they took me to the surgery room.  I started to feel pulling and tugging and my wonderful anesthesiologist did something and I tapped out.  I saw my son for a second but I did not see my daughter.  They took me to recovery and I shook the epidural off and then since I was in a charity hospital I was in a room with about 5 other women, well some girls too.  I couldn’t get out of bed because of the medication I was on and I could not have my babies unless I had visitors.  I couldn’t eat because I had not used the restroom.  Hello.  I only had a pop tart that morning.

I had my children at 8 pm at night on a Monday, they are two minutes apart, and the next morning my bikini cut was bleeding and I had a fever.  I had a hematoma and had to be taken back to surgery.  I stayed in the hospital 11 days until the fever went down but I had my boy who was 4 pounds and 15 ounces and my girl who was 5 pounds and 1 ounce.  Exactly ten pounds of baby.  My children were low weight for their first month because I had to bottle feed.  I never had breast milk to come down.  I’m thankful for that now because I have Myasthenia gravis and I could have given my children congenital Myasthenia gravis through breast milk.  My son had surgery at a month old.  I’ll tell you about that later.


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Posted by on March 10, 2016 in Uncategorized


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