Starting at 40

11 Mar
Starting at 40

So here we are with my sleeping patterns again.  Kind of my fault.  I am an empath meaning I often absorb the pain of others.  I haven’t felt this feeling in a while because I have been selfish.  My selfish has been good and bad.  My body crashed almost ten years ago so I went into survival mode.  I had learned to live with weakness, discomfort and pain for so long physically I tried to fix it mentally.  My human nature still told me I could control Myasthenia gravis by myself.

I was sick of doctors, neurologists in particular because it was like here comes the MG one every time I would see them at the MDA clinic.  Do not misinterpret me I am grateful for every last one of my doctors and I adore the MDA.  My other doctors and my mom tried to help me but nothing was working.  My body was declining physically from stress, heat, work, family, just life.  I have always been the go to person to get things done but mentally and physically I was so spent I could not complete tasks, even simple ones and I have the intellectual capacity to complete some pretty complicated tasks.  I am not saying I’m brillant or anything but I am intelligent and all that means is that I know a little bit about a lot.  I gotta get smarter though, they are two different things.

I did my own bankruptcy in 1998, filed it and everything.  Yes you can file your own bankruptcy if you know what you’re doing.  Illness is often the cause of bankruptcy and financial issues.  Too much to get into at this time and it’s much more complicated now but I can tell you if you want to make some money right now learn how to do bankruptcies.  In 2010 my Bankrupcty Paralegal instructor said she was going to retire in 5 years.

Where am I right know because I think some people are wondering.  Where I am is relearning how to live and not because I’m an alcoholic.  That started at 31.  I’ve had Graves disease and Myasthenia gravis for 18 years.  Graves disease I’m sure longer than that, I am sure I was undiagnosed, anemic since 14, irregular periods, fingernail grooves, twins.  In my 18 years living with Myasthenia gravis there have been many times where I’ve had to relearn how to talk, walk, see, even breath because my muscles had periods of weakness.

Well now I’m almost medication free and I’m not weak, uncomfortable or in pain and that is an adjustment.  There has literally not been a moment in over 17 years where I did not feel a symptom of illness or side effect or medication.  Because I have developed depression and anxiety due to these illnesses mine often comes in the form of becoming overwhelmed and isolating so I have to use the tools I’ve learned through mental and spiritual therapy.

I am being renewed.  I am being restored.  My body is healing.  Of course my Faith tells me that these things already are but I live in a physical shell that has to be cared for and carefully guided through this process.  Input is appreciated but rest assured my God has it.  He’s had it all along.  I owe him my obedience.  This is literally the greatest feeling ever so I better not let something like my plans screw it up.  More information soon so let me know what subjects you’d like to discuss…I hope while I’m getting everything in order I can share my experiences and resourcefulness to help someone, anyone get some relief.  Until next time…I’m about to read until I drift off to sleep..sleep patterns still weird because I don’t wanna take my night meds…how great is that..controllable double vision.

I get it a little bit but it’s going away so since I know of no one who has gone into almost medication free remission after 17 years I’m still doing what I did from the beginning, learning me.  I’m always gonna be a snowflake.  Snowflakes fall from the sky in all shapes, sizes and forms, hit the ground and can turn into so many different things.  So for my snowflakes don’t melt and if you do remember sugar melts too.  For my butterflies go with the flow.  We all need balance.  Isn’t that what we strive for, a healthy balance.  Between dreams and reality, mental and physical, good and bad and right and wrong.  I’m finding mine, may you find yours.

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Posted by on March 11, 2016 in Uncategorized


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